Talent: Carré Otis. Trench, Heike-NY from Confessional Showroom. Pants, Alexander McQueen. Earrings, Misayo House from Confessional Showroom. Shoes, Badgley Mischka.
Carré Otis raises her arms above her head to show off two recent tattoos. Each one is a thin line of calligraphy crawling upward like a caterpillar between her elbow and wrist; they reflect her ever-present spirituality.
Buddhist teachings anchor Otis’s life. In some ways, you could say the former full-time star model and actor traded in wearing clothes for “wearing my spiritual practice” she explains.
Despite navigating a journey marked by drug use, domestic abuse, anorexia, vagabonding, and marriage to a troubled movie star, Otis’s story is full of guts and hope, and resilience.
Blazer, Saint Laurent. Necklace, Erickson Beamon from Showroom Seven.
So many of us today struggle and come noisily undone by life’s visible challenges. Or quietly – after the kids leave or the career has cooled – we succumb to a growing sense of stagnation, which can foment its own terror about what’s next.
Carré Otis seems to give testimony that a life of fulfillment and balance is possible even after what may seem like tumult with no end. Acceptance of our past and peace in the present is all that many of us want.
Otis, who communicates with clarity and warmth as she shares her truth, has been a practicing Tibetan Buddhist since she was 17 years old. Now, 56, she credits her practice with getting her through some of the roughest times in her life. In November, she scored a victory in a court case she brought against one of her early abusers.
“My life is really simple and straightforward now,” she says. “The most important thing to me is honesty and authenticity. I don’t need favors. If you’re going to do something, do it with no expectation of getting something back.”
In a recent conversation, I asked Otis, who still models occasionally but now lives in Boulder, Colorado with her husband Matthew Sutton and their two teenage daughters Jade and Kaya, to outline some of the wisdom she’s learned. I’ve distilled our conversation into insights that we can all glean something from.
Blazer, Saint Laurent. Necklace, Erickson Beamon from Showroom Seven.
Give yourself grace
“We, especially women, aren’t always extending enough grace to ourselves; to be forgiving towards ourselves,” says Carré Otis. “A lot of us keep a very long list of shoulds and shouldn’t haves; and we’re supposed tos. It’s just like a shit list of ways in which we never added up. It’s kept us small. God forbid we take up space.
First we need to create safety within ourselves, which is a grace within ourselves which includes love and forgiveness and kindness. From that place self-exploration can begin.
Blazer, Neil Barrett. Necklace, Alexis Bittar.
The lies we tell ourselves instead of living out loud
“We live a lot of lies,” says Otis. “We tell a lot of lies. We’re not always honest. You can say, no. “I was actually told and programmed, ‘never say no.
“I’ve gone through this sort of healing journey recently – especially with this trial potentially moving forward, when I heard the news and let’s say – with the new president elect – I went through a couple weeks where I just felt like I needed to scream. I just needed to scream.
Then, it came to me that, oh my gosh – let’s take it from sexual assault to being a young person and having some gross worker look at me in a way and catcall me. (There were) basically all of these incidents throughout my life that I NEVER said a word. I did not scream, I didn’t say you made me uncomfortable; that’s inappropriate; I don’t like that; don’t do that! Don’t speak to me like that! “So it’s been like 55 yrs of silence,” she says, her voice dropping. I realize how much I’ve stifled myself. It’s programming, it’s conditioning.
Trench, Heike-NY from Confessional Showroom. Pants, Alexander McQueen. Earrings, Misayo House from Confessional Showroom. Shoes, Badgley Mischka.
Boundaries and borders
“We tend not to set boundaries, establish where we draw a line,” says Carré Otis. “As women we don’t speak up for ourselves, even with our children. It’s our job to speak up when someone crosses a boundary. This person can’t read my mind.”
Otis calls it “keeping your side of the street clean.” Another way to think of it is: Are you being messy? This includes not taking things personally.
Says Otis, “Even with my best friends. I’ll say, ‘what you did, isn’t ok. That didn’t land well with me.’ It’s better than brooding and hoarding resentments like so many hot coals on a cold night. Demanding to be treated with respect, helps stave off resentment, she finds.
“Sometimes my daughter might say to me, “Mom, are you mad at me?” I’ll say, “You’ll know when I’m angry at you.”
Trench, Heike-NY from Confessional Showroom. Pants, Alexander McQueen. Earrings, Misayo House from Confessional Showroom. Shoes, Badgley Mischka.
Beauty and the best
The signature sensuous lips that pouted from numerous fashion ads, magazine covers and from the screen in the movie “Wild at Heart”, are still there. The chiseled cheekbones too, softened by supersize glasses and silver hair.
I ask Carré Otis about letting her hair go gray, still a revolutionary act in my view. Is it blond? Is it gray?” I ask, peering at her hair through the Zoom video. “It’s silver,” says Otis.
“I had a talk with my spiritual teacher about my hair,” she says smiling. “I’m not a vain person.”
Otis felt that at a certain point it was contradictory to her values to keep coloring her hair. She felt she was being hypocritical given the reasons we color our hair as we get older.
Trench, Bibhu Mohapatra. Top, Narciso Rodriguez. Pants, Alexander McQueen. Earrings, Helene Quan from Flying Solo. Shoes, Badgley Mischka.
“I’m an ambassador of women, a biological female and I have a responsibility.,” she says. “Am I going to be contradictory with that, or authentically walking the talk? “Am I actually living that or am I bullshitting here or there?”
Dropping the dye job, gave her back hours in her life. “Time is precious,” says Carré Otis. “I’m a mother. At a certain point it just takes up so much time. “I like to be pretty. I like to be in shape because that’s part of my mental health.
I actually kind of like being this badass 56 year old who has a motorcycle jacket, and skull earrings and has silver hair. That’s actually kind of ok. Why not? But I’m not overly concerned with wrinkles and gray. Death that’s where we’re all going.
Sex education
“We’re messy and gorgeous, and sexy and sixty and silver and wrinkles,” says Otis.“ “We have great sex at our age. “We’re all of it. I’m like come on! We’re all of it. I’m like let’s get real. That’s where I’m at!
Food as a lovely language: Carré’s bone broth recipe
Otis cooks frequently. “It’s my love language,” she says. Especially for her supportive husband. Her fridge is rarely without some bone broth in the main compartment or in the freezer.
She drinks the nutrient-rich concoction each morning, uses it as a base for all her soups and as a flavorful substitute for water in grain and rice dishes, and a non-alcoholic tincture for Matt. “If I see the slightest thing when he gets off the plane, “I’m, here, you’re having some bone broth,” she says laughing.
Carré Otis uses about 20 ingredients. Here are her must-haves:
Store in fridge or freezer. Ferment a minimum 30 days, preferably two months. |
Exercise
“Working out is a huge part of my mental health,” says Carré Otis. She’s a certified Lagree instructor. “That’s part of my workout.” Lagree is a low-impact fitness method that combines stretching, strengthening and cardio utilizing a specialized machine.
Trench, Bibhu Mohapatra. Top, Narciso Rodriguez. Pants, Alexander McQueen. Earrings, Helene Quan from Flying Solo. Shoes, Badgley Mischka.
Having a purpose and passion
Otis was a teenager when she ran away from home in California. Her rise in modeling was swift.
She was just 17 when, the Elite agency, one of the premiere names in fashion, sent her to Paris to live with its executive Gérald Marie, who abused and raped her. (Marie, would go on to wed supermodel Linda Evangelista, who would later accuse the Frenchman of violence toward her during their six-year marriage).
Appearing in Calvin Klein and Guess ads and on top magazine covers like Harper’s Bazaar and Elle, Carré Otis endured a well-publicized, abusive marriage with actor Mickey Rourke. (During her recovery from one assault, she was visited by a sympathetic Ali McGraw, who had herself experienced domestic abuse).
She now devotes considerable time to improving working conditions for models and unflinchingly calling out abuse of women and the need to hold predators accountable.
In 2020, The New York Times reported on an investigation into Marie by the French authorities after several accusers came forward to say Marie had abused them, but the investigators closed the case saying the statute of limitations had expired.
“Violence against women and the statistics that we see globally but certainly in the United States, are mind-blowing,’ says Otis, who notes that sex trafficking is on the rise. “ It’s baffling how many women are killed by their domestic partners or abused.”
Blazer, Neil Barrett. Necklace, Pluma
Education for life’s cherries and pits
Difficulties can teach us humility, says Otis. She constantly asks herself: What am I learning from this?
“What, I’m gonna be a victim?,” she says with gusto. “No way!” “Sometimes it’s got very low, very dark” she admits. The isolation, fear and confusion she felt as a child or the abuse when she was in Paris, were two nadirs “I’ve had to say to myself, ‘I don’t belong here,” says Otis.
Her children are continuous motivation and reminders of the choices she wants to make. “I have daughters. I live in the world. It can be exhausting,” says Otis. “I’m a white woman with privilege. “I feel it’s my responsibility to do as much as I can with that privilege. (She’s dissuaded them from trying modeling until they “get their feet on the ground. Modeling can be great, she says, but that’s for the one percent who make it.”)
“I’m here to learn.,” says Otis. “I try to live consciously and ethically. What am I going to do with that privilege?”
What we can do is have awareness, Carré Otis recommends. “We can educate ourselves and we can do better. Without education there’s not going to be a human response of concern.” The difficulties she’s been through, she says, “I don’t live there. That’s like another person. Another lifetime.”
Blazer, Neil Barrett. Necklace, Alexis Bittar.
Talent: Carré Otis @iamcarreotis.
With Iconic Focus Models @iconicfocus.
Producer/Photographer: Tom Marvel @tommarvelphotography.
Creative Director: Cannon @thecannonmediagroup at Ray Brown @raybrownpro.
Lighting Director: Pierre Bonnet @pierrebonnet.
Director of Video: James Webber @james_weber.
Digital Tech: Olivia Wohlers @wohliviaa.
Photographer Assistants: Ryan Liu @justryaliu | Michele Wilhelmina @michelewilhelminaphotography.
Hair: Linh Nguyen @linhhair at SEE Management @seemanagement using R+Co @randco.
Makeup: Aya Tariq @ayatariqmua at The Wall Group @thewallgroup using MAC cosmetics @maccosmeticsusa / @maccosmetics.
Fashion Team: Maksim Mizgirev @lu3alo | Sydney @sydneyloera | Madison Wen Gu @mmmaddddison.
Digital Artist: Marilynn Hawkridge.
Grip: George Pepe @gspepe.
Special Thanks to Lori Modugno @lorimodugno.
Harper’s Bazaar Vietnam
